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Crotte de grand-duc, j'ai oublié de lui demander ce qu'il faisait comme boulot le cuistot !!! J'avais une étude sous le coude et je me suis dit que là, c'était le moment de la servir. Une étude sur le sexe !! Le truc d'outre-Manche, le genre d'étude à la con où on finirait par vraiment croire que les femmes préfèrent le chocolat au sexe par exemple (on va encore dire que j'ai rien compris aux femmes, c'était juste un exemple, pour déconner !). La dernière étude en date est, tenez-vous bien (certains) : le sexe selon le métier (déjà, les chômeurs sont plus détendus !). Parce que oui, le métier est un facteur important pour animer sa vie sexuelle. Si vous êtes fonctionnaire, vous passerez sûrement moins de temps à faire l'amour que si vous étiez pilote d'avion. C'est injuste, je sais.
Nous y voici mes amis, la grande nouvelle est que le métier conditionnerait l'activité sexuelle. Et en voici la liste, celle des métiers où il fait bon travailler et faire l'amour, et celle des métiers ingrats où personne ne vous aime. Qu'on ne dise pas ensuite que le blog ne participe pas à l'orientation professionnelle de vos enfants.
Voici donc, le métier de vilain président de la république mis à part, le top des métiers à forte activité sexuelle :
1. Agent immobilier (autant dire personne de chez nous !)
2. Hôtesse de l'air et steward (Aaaaah !)
3. Avocat (on en a un !)
4. Secrétaire (aussi, le chevelu secrétaire du président qui doit rattraper son poste de fonctionnaire)
5. Opérateur/trice téléphonique (à part Miguel je vois pas)
D'un autre côté, et si j'avais eu toutes ces infos avant de passer mon bac, croyez-moi que ça m'aurait servi, le top des métiers à faible activité sexuelle :
1. Camionneur (Yannick, mais je crois qu'il l'a vendu !)
2. Chargé de clientèle (il y en a mais qui ne le disent pas !)
3. Infirmier/ère (Général arrête ton cirque !)
4. Professeur (Hmmm, no comment)
5. Libraire et métiers du livre (la queue entre les jambes !!!)
Ça s'est fait, toute reconversion est encore possible, sachant qu'on est peu nombreux à être finalement fiers ! L'étude de la semaine ayant niqué le moral d'une grande partie d'entre nous, la semaine prochaine il y aura une étude sur la sexualité des tortues albinos découvertes en Amazonie, comme ça, on est plus zens !
Sans transition aucune, passons directement au trou, puisque sur le pré il n'y a pas grand chose à signaler sinon le terrain qui ressemblait plus à une porcherie qu'à une pelouse. L'homme qui a introduit le kouign aman dans nos palais il y a un an de ça était en cuisine après son énorme prestation contre les Old Lions (cf. plus bas). Alors que certains se plaignaient encore de la rudesse de ce match et des traces laissées sur leurs muscules meurtris, Alain s'occupait de préparer le repas de ses semblables sans broncher, derrière lui les tampons, les plaquages ravageurs, les mauls menés en puissance, les défis des avants et le combat de la conquête du ballon. Il s'agissait là de plus dur encore : couper les briques de pâtés en portions individuelles ! Il fallait voir ensuite comment il a terrassé les cornichons tout autour, un hun réincarné, un vicking sur le retour... pas de pitié pour le pâté !
Entre pâté, bières à la bouteille et cacahuètes, le trou se remplit de ses retardataires. Ce qui nous donne une bonne assemblée qui présente toujours autant de nouveaux. Ceux qui ne connaissaient pas Miguel ont cru gagner sa sympathie, ceux qui ne connaissaient pas le Tarlouzain ont prêté l'oreille et ne l'ont pas récupéré, ceux qui ne connaissaient pas Gwen sont repartis bourrés, ceux qui se connaissaient entre eux n'ont pas pris de risques, ils ont discuté entre eux.
La minute de Trémoulet a mis Guigui à l'honneur pour des raisons qu'on évitera de développer en public.
A l'heure du plat, les assiettes se bousculent autour de la gamelle du salé aux lentilles. Difficile d'en parler sans émotions, entre le salé aux lentilles et moi, il y a une grande histoire d'amour. Je n'ai pas souvenir d'un salé au lentilles dans ce trou, Alain l'a fait. On croit le connaître ce garçon mais sa discrétion cache beaucoup de surprises. La bonne surprise est que ce salé aux lentilles était merveilleusement bien cuit. Tout le monde s'en est réjouis, Miguel, lui, a juste joui une méchante bière sur mon pantalon. Ha ha ha, comme dirait Miguel.
Ce même Miguel, toujours entrain de hahater, s'empresse de flamber les tourtes du dessert à l'armagnac et la serviette en papier rouge. Ha ha ha encore, sauf Jacky !
La tourte est servie après un lancer d'assiettes de deuxième ligne et un fromage dans lequel certains auraient reconnu le Saint-Vergeron. Qu'on aille pas dire qu'il n'est pas couillou le grand Alain, il y en avait pas qu'un peu du fromage !!! Il fait pas moine comme métier Alain ?
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